• Wednesday 5:33am

3 days since my last head shot

OK, the first one is of just now and I just woke up from a nearly 2 hour rest and not resting much in the last 3 days. My eyes are clear and I am fresh and I feel great. I look better than the picture of 3 days ago I think. I see my eyes are a little clearer and my complexion has a little better color. The pictures where taken in the same light from the same angel. I have buzzed my head with clippers once since the first shot, I do that twice a week. I use to get ingrown hairs when I shaved as a young man, by buzz cutting, I leave some growth so the curly hair does not drag on the skin growing out and be forced back into another location in my skin causing the ingrown hair. I use to find hairs curled up an inch or more long coiled up just under the top layers of my facial skin. So I take this picture and the way I feel as indication I am not doing anything dangerous to myself or another. My son Michael was home in between working his different locations over seas and left Sunday morning. I wanted to complete with him our stay. He was distant to me. He told me I was going crazy and it was just a matter of time before I hurt someone. I may send him an email this morning. I just told him "We'll see won't we."

I listened to the personal healing meditation CD and I had some dreams. One was about my neighbor next to me to the north who keeps opening the privacy curtain I put up for the hot tub. I dreamed he had a kit of some sort that had a removable block to add a filler to process a children's day care treatment of some sort. I also dreamed of my cousin Donna Fields who is a few months older than me and my mother's sister and lived 2 doors down on the row house of Front St growing up. We did a lot together before my sister Holly was old enough to fit in and be friends with Donna which was the teen years when my close relationship with her was past. Donna got married about the same time as Colleen and I, in the early 80's. She married a carpenter named Joe Geliana (not sure of the spelling) who also came from a large family and I worked with one of Joe's brothers John in the factory called Barclay's in '75-76. John was homeless and lived in his car even that winter. He also had no teeth, I don't know how he lost them. Joe and Donna were looking for an income property to supplement with the same time we were and the large wood house was broke into apartments near the Waterford Bridge Cohoes side was where my friend Jim Myers was living in one of them. The man who was selling that house and the apartment building I ended up buying was the landlord of Jim Myers and that is how we all met. I wanted something to rent out that would pay the expenses and give me a place to live rent free. That was my goal at the time. The wood house was 4 units, back and front of a 2 story building. There was off street parking but it was a rather long walk down a grade of about 5 or 600 feet from the rear. The front of the building faced Saratoga Ave which came ran from the bridge and was a steep drop to an unusable and hard to maintain area. The landlord apartment was not that big, none of them were and like the apartment building I bought on River St., the rents were low. The man who was selling was a partner in a corporation that owned the properties. They were school teachers who took advantage of the low property prices of the time and bought up some properties for rental incomes. They put as little as possible into the properties and kept the rents low so people would not move so fast. They wanted out of the business and I wanted in. Anyway, Donna and Joe got the wood house and made it work for them. They were pregnant with their first child who was born nearly a year I think before our oldest Stacy was born. Donna would baby sit all our kids when they were younger and I was out trying my hand at contracting or some other kind of business. I think there was even a time I took kids there when I just did not want to deal with taking care of them myself. About the dream, I dream that Joe or the guy next door north to me had an apartment that had been vacant for years. He just didn't have it ready to rent out. I was thinking he was loosing a lot of money. Donna and Joe had a son Joey about the same time we had Michael. I believe they were born hours apart in different hospitals and Donna was in labor for many more hours before giving birth. Joey was a red head, "Red like the head of a dick of a dog." you might have heard said before. Donna did not baby sit Michael much that I remember, I stayed with him in my down times I had after he was born. I did not interact as much as I could have with Michael because of the state I was in. I was not drinking during the day with him there. I would just let him be. I would load him into his high chair and place some food in front of him and leave him for a couple of hours. I remember one time I came back and whatever he was eating that time was up and down his arms and all over his head and he was sleeping. I still feel hurt about that today. I wrote Michael about it and asked his forgiveness before he came home for this last visit and things seemed to be going well in emails. Once he was here, I could tell something is bothering him. Michael has always been quiet and very intelligent. The only thing we did do together when he was younger was play video games. I also walked him up a very big hill to kindergarten every day and during that time he had trouble pronouncing certain words. I drove him to and from speech therapy in South Troy I think it was once a week for a while. He also had to have braces on his teeth and get his tonsils out because he could not breath good at times. I also opted not to have him circumcised when he was born because I did not want him to have the feeling that that area was attacked and hurt from the outside word just when you are getting antiquated with it. I wanted him to decide for himself when he is older if he wants it done or not. The only thing that might have given him a problem is gym class in school and the other kids making fun of him for being different. But I felt it would be worth it, I feel like my penis is still a little shy from something. I went through being embarrassed in school when I was in 9th grade. I was not in puberty yet and my penis hides when soft and along with me being a little fat in that area, they made fun of me not having hair or a dick. I had to put up with that for a long time. Luckily I was in the last section of lockers in the back and it was a short walk to the shower. I remember a boy who had a terrible problem with the complexion of his face in my locker area. It was like raw pitted meat and it would ooze puss all the time. He had stuff to put on it but it did not help. I felt bad for him. I was fat but I got a girlfriend when it was the summer before I turned 16, much more on that subject at a later time. I have to be over in Cohoes to P/U Jennifer and Sandy to bring them over here to work in the yard on the leaves. It is suppose to snow Thursday, and I want them up anyway each week. I also want to write Michael an email to keep a door open there. I am on my 2nd soylent and instead of banana, I am having a cashew granola bar with my am supplements. Enjoy!

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